Mentors for Teens

Today, we will turn to the age old conundrum that has no doubt plagued parents for centuries. It goes something like this, “Why doesn’t my teen listen to me anymore?” We’ll unpack this all-too-common challenge and propose a solution that has to do with finding mentors for teens.

The Need to Rebel

It’s true. Adolescents have to rebel. In fact, I would worry about any teen that did not, in some way, rebel. This process is a necessary part of crafting a self. No matter how wonderful are the thoughts one’s perfect parents imbued them with growing up, every teen will need to reject them at some point in order to figure out what they, themselves, think.

Thus, we will save ourselves stress by respecting the rebellion, which is not in question. What is in question is our ability to keep them safe. The teen brain is wired for risk. In the teenager, all the passions and physical capacities to act on them – like drive cars, have sex, etc. – become manifest. Yet, the adult “driver” is not really there, yet. They think it is, but it’s not.

As parents, it’s our job, therefore, to keep them safe in the rebellion. The irony, however, is that we can’t – not alone, anyway. That’s where it becomes helpful to have mentors for teens, which I will discuss next.

Authority in the Teen Years

When children are very young, they need adults to be role models, for they are still so imitative. When they grow into middle childhood, they are living strongly in their feeling life. At this point, they need benevolent dictators. That is to say, adults who still make the big decisions but who welcome input from the child.

Once they graduate into the teen years, they need adults to take a step back and become trusted experts. This is just why they so readily reject their parents. They’ve been hearing it from you for 14 years now. It doesn’t matter how true it is, you’re no longer the trusted expert.

That’s where mentors for teens hit the nail on the head. My 15-year old godson struggles with his parents who, necessarily, put limits on his cell phone usage, among other things. Then, he comes to me and I tell him the exact same things as his parents. However, now he can hear it because I’m outside the home. I haven’t been saying these things all his life.

Recap

Let’s briefly recap. Children need to rebel once their teenage self is born. If you’ve raised them well with a good value set, hopefully they won’t go too far. Either way, our job as adults is to keep them safe.

We can’t, however, do this with the same approach that worked then they were younger. We need to become more like professors and sages, experts advising them on how to make good choices.

Yet, we as parents often find limitations in our ability to step into this role. Teens often don’t want their parents to be those trusted experts. Thus, it’s helpful at this point to find mentors for teens outside the home, trusted members of the community who can come and basically tell them all the things their parents are saying. Hearing it again can make all the difference. That’s partly why we established the Live Teen Empowerment Class here at Enkindle Academy, so your student can find that trusted expert outside the home. We also offer personalized coaching and mentoring for teens. Info can be found here.