How do we ensure our children will succeed in life. The key to unlocking this mystery starts with asking, what is the difference between a stone and a plant? Stop and consider that for a moment. A stone is inert and has no will of its own. It makes no choices, has no ability to adapt, and its movement is compelled entirely from outside itself. A plant, by contrast, grows, adapts, heals, and overcomes even challenging circumstances. The stone is a dead victim, the plant a living adapter. Now, imagine how this applies to your thinking. In this post, we will shed light on the differences between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset and how this knowledge can set students up for success.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset: Being vs. Becoming
In numerous places, Rudolf Steiner contrasts people who want to “be” vs. those who are willing to “become.” (Examples: The Philosophy of Freedom, The Karma of Vocation, and The Spiritual Guidance of the Individual and Humanity, among others.) Those who wish to “be” want to be finished, now. Wanting to be perfect, when they discover they aren’t, it hurts their self-esteem. Those content to “become,” by contrast, do not get stuck on definitions and outcomes. Consequently, they are content being in process of “becoming perfect,” so to speak.
The fixed mindset calcifies the self into either a success or a failure, smart or dumb, skilled or you suck, etc. You’re doomed to be what you are, and if you don’t make the grade, you are a failure. The growth mindset, on the other hand, has a different response to challenge. Rather than, “I’m not good enough,” it says, “I’m not good enough…yet,” leaving space for the necessary learning and growing to achieve the goals one sets for oneself. It’s as Thomas Edison said before perfecting the incandescent lightbulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Carol Dweck and the Growth Mindset
In her landmark book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck elaborates the differences between what she calls the fixed vs. growth mindsets. If it’s not already obvious:
- Fixed Mindset = Stone = Wants to “be”
- Growth Mindset = Plant = Content to “become.”
Whichever mindset a person adopts affects how they cope with challenges on the path of pursuing their dreams. Dweck’s research indicates those who live by a growth mindset become far more successful than those who live by a fixed mindset. Think about the ramifications for our children’s and students’ futures of this work.
Where are you on this spectrum?
Our children absorb who we are. There is no escaping it. In parenting, there is no, “Do as I say, not as a I do,” for your children have already internalized what you are long before you opened your mouth to speak. So, where do you find yourself on the spectrum of growth vs. fixed mindset, or living vs. dead thinking, or desiring to be finished vs. content to continue learning? How do you know where you stand?
Recall the last time something didn’t go your way. Maybe you spoke harshly to your child or spouse. At that moment, how did you think of yourself? Was it, “I’m a horrible parent (or spouse)?” Or, was it, “I see the gap between who I am and who I want to become, and I’m ready to do the work.”
Secret to Growth Mindset: Greatness is a Verb
The biographies of extraordinary human beings like Hellen Keller, Derek Jeter, and Georgia O’Keefe are full of failures and social ridicule with success born from the relentless drive to overcome. These individuals and others like them are joined in their mutual willingness to “become” great, not to “be” great. The truly great are not born so, they become so because it’s not failing that makes someone a failure but refusing to learn how to do it better next time. For the successful, challenge becomes an opportunity to grow. Greatness is not a “be;” it is a “become.”
How do we do this with our children and students?
The first rule is to adopt a growth mindset in your own life. Break the habit of defining yourself in fixed terms in relation to your goals. Learn, as Carol Dweck suggests, to use the word “yet” in your thinking, such as, “I haven’t become the parent I wish to become ‘yet,’” which is another way of saying, “I’m on the way there,” as you remain active in the process.
Second, when it comes to your children, praise efforts, not outcomes. The surest way to hinder your child’s motivation is to keep telling them, “Good job! You’re amazing!” for everything they do. Just stop it. Don’t even focus on them and how good or bad they are, but on what they’re doing. Telling them they’re “good” or “bad” (or related synonyms) only reinforces the fixed mindset in them. Instead, praise the effort they made on their painting, in their baseball game, on their latest essay, etc. That keeps them focused on the verb of becoming, not the noun of being finished.
Thirdly, when evaluating their work, always find something that worked well and something else they can either improve or do differently. No matter how masterful their work of art, for example, finding something they could change or do better keeps them in process of growing. On the other hand, even if a work is quite amateur, finding something of value in it can provide motivation. Keep your feedback “in process,” avoiding fixed judgments.
New Year, New Mindset
As I write this on the eve of New Year’s eve, I wonder, what will you do differently from here on? What will you model for your child in your own life? What will you consciously communicate to them? Don’t tell your children explicitly about growth mindset (unless they are teenagers or older). Instead, embody it. Now is the time to plant new seeds. May the good powers in the universe be as winds in your sails.
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