Happy Children

In a recent interview, Dr. Leonard Sax, a long-time family physician and psychologist, explained that the biggest predictor of adult well-being in children is their relationship with their parents. Let that sink in for a minute. Happy children are those who have the best relationships with their caregivers. Does that surprise you as it did me?

I am embarrassed to say I am, indeed, a Waldorf teacher and I did not know this. Yet, this is exactly the type of point Kim John Payne makes in Simplicity Parenting. We over-schedule and over-demand our children from a young. age, complicating their lives with activities, events, practices, playdates, you name it. Do these things actually make them happier, less stressed, and better prepared for adult happiness? The research seems to suggest not.

Relationships, The Golden Key to Happy Children

Admittedly, in my zeal to know what the other side of existence is like, I have listened to or read many accounts of people’s near death experiences. One remarkable lesson stands out from virtually every single one: that relationships became the most important thing in their lives. How interesting! It became for them more important than achievement, fame, money, etc.

How can that be? Well, perhaps that is a mystery many of us, myself included, are still discovering. However, as Rudolf Steiner once said, “Reality consists of beings and their relationships.” Maybe there is something in the relationship which brings us closer to reality. Maybe “God” lives in our relationships. Could that be why when we prioritize them over the playdates, the practices, and the over-scheduled barrage of extracurricular activities, our children thrive more? What are we trying to achieve, anyway?

I used to think children needed more friends. They needed to be liked far and wide, favored by the community. Don’t get me wrong, community is awesome and vital. We live at a church – how does it get better than that? And yet, community also has a downside. People talk about each other. They get into social ruts, separate into cliques, and we can even see this reflected in the children. Yes, I’d rather have community than no community, but here’s the thing I realized: in the long journey of life, nobody, save perhaps God, is going to love your children more than you. They instinctively know that, so if they KNOW you love them, they will learn to love themselves. I believe that is why childhood relationships with parents correlate to well-being as adults. Don’t worry, when they really do need to start stepping away in adolescence, they will naturally. If you’ve given them a good foundation of love, they will do so confidently. They might even be willing to tell you who they have a crush on.

Homeschooling Happy Children

The starting point of this post is 100% why I love the homeschooling journey. It gives us time to live into our child’s childhood with them. It gives us an excuse to step out of the adult world and enter theirs, like playing shop or What Time Is It Mr. Fox? It’s the most wonderful thing. Perhaps then, realizing that our relationships with our children are the most important thing for them is also, somehow, good for us.